Maybe I should try to keep a journal on here rather than staring blankly at Facebook most of the time. After a little bit too much thinking regarding Cosplay, self-esteem and concerns about my own future I've decided that I should make a list of goals. As some of you no doubt know the last year and a bit has been a rollercoaster in terms of ups and downs regarding perhaps everything in my life. I came to the conclusion about a week or so ago that one of my major vices is that maybe I'm trying to be too much, to fit in with so many different crowds of people - that I enjoy so many different things that it's hard to keep up the multiple personalities that come with it. I should pick one and go with it? This morning I figured that maybe, it's not such a bad thing!
So herewith the list of plans, with some justifications as I need to put them!
About two years ago (just before the Expo when I cosplayed Jenova once!) I signed up to the Train2Game training course to learn how to be a Game Developer. It went well with the home-study for about six months before I got caught up in the Sephiroth cosplay storm between Expo - Ayacon - Expo last year. Then all of my already lacking free time was spent making alterations, improvements and countless make up testings.
With the rise of Star Wars: The Old Republic it's made me begin to realise that I need to pick this course back up. I'm paying for it monthly after all and am still not even 4 months into the training material. This will be a pain in the bum really as since then I've had new laptop so it'll need to be re-installed/verified etc. But you only live once and unless I can kick myself up the butt it's not going to happen.
Star Wars itself Steve seems to have to have settled himself in on despite his initial reluctance to picking back up MMO's and now he plays more than I do! Typical but at least it's there if I have the desire to destroy 5-6hours at a time.
Post-Sephiroth I find myself trying to find excuses to cling to the Cosplay scene. Trying within myself to figure out if this is for me or not. I'm not much of a crafter but I do love wearing/looking good in Cosplay, particulary it's recognition that's my thing (so kill me for wanting a bit of attention!). Maybe this is where I should go with it, be a cosplay modeller/actress rather than completely making Cosplay myself?
That being said I do have plans! For DW7 Diao Chan which I'm hoping to have made in time for October Expo 2012. Again this is all dependant on time and my own depression, right now I'm stuck in a rut having all the ideas but no idea where to even begin to source materials for the first stage from. I'm hoping that with all the guys I know from the FFR I can gain some advise tips, I think it's purely getting over that first hurdle and then will be fine. In fact I don't really think that's even the first problem. Getting our flat squared away so I actually have room to keep/make said cosplay is the first step and this is a challenge in itself between our airsoft, my cosplay plans and both me and Steve working opposite ends of the clock/weekends etc.
I may be able to scrape together some cash for an Ebayed RE red dress and get away to LFCC in it later this year purely cos I have the Milla-do now but again this depends on many many things not least of all my own self-confidence / not wanting to feel somewhat 2nd class to others for being in a bought cosplay rather than a made one. But meh, enough about my opinions of the problems with performance vs craftsmanship in the scene recently. It's all been debated over and over.
Again, post-Sephiroth it's come to a point that there aren't really that many pictures of me around that aren't in that cosplay now! Partly the reason for that being I think I look better as that than in real life? Highly likely.
I'm 26 now, starting to get wider further up my waist rather than just having Mum's thunder thighs and really looking now at what I eat when I do eat (hardly 3 square meals a day!) and desparately needing to sign up to a gym if for no other reason than I owe it to myself. Last time I was a member of a gym was when I worked for HB Leisure and I didn't need the work out back then as I'd be on my feet jumping around all day at energetic 16/17 years old! Problems with this plan are all the same as ever! I don't know hardly anyone who lives in my area that I could be gym-buddy with. I don't know really if I can afford another 70 - 80 quid going out of my wages every month. I don't have the energy to go to the gym after work. All pretty bad excuses I know but I'm going to try and squeeze this in somewhere between it all!! Weekends and evenings when Steve isn't in all I'd do otherwise is sit and watch TV...
Boyf misses black hair that I've spent nearly two years growing/cutting out so now I'm sporting the short blonder look that brings out my eyes more I do get left wondering which suits me better thesedays. Can't do both really!
In all of the above I've referred to "post-Sephiroth" but it's worthwhile noting that I do only mean the cosplay aspect. I still very much have a headachy-muse and for those of you who would care he is still very much Homeless in terms of a story-line/group/community to belong to. Sure I still do spare time for the odd-improv writing with people on Skype and LJ but I'm now finding this harder and harder to connect to as the LJ postings I was so up on before fade further and further into the distant sands of the past. I'd explored so much more of this character than I'd ever even thought off thanks to all of the previous
Thanks to an old friend from LJ we may be joining a panfandom together extending from where we left it all off before but I would really still like to be involved in a FFVII only group again one day. If anyone would have me...if anyone even remembered...It was proven to me recently on Facebook that the world is small in this regard - so someone prove it to me!! LOL
Maybe one day I'll actually dedicate some time to that Nibelheim fanfic that I had such a lightbulb about before it was smothered with real life and/or cosplay/airsoft/work/depression. As I had so proudly stated on my backpack in high school - "RL SUCKS, RP RULZ" - hhahahhaa that's going back a bit.
Oh and a final footnote, I'm going to DOWNLOAD this year with bro and buds from Tamworth! First time in about 4-5years since I've been due to living so suffocatingly far away now (plus also it's usually Expo just before the dates in June so I can't ever do both). So it's either going to be mad fun or a sad reminder of how I'm getting older. It's their 10 year anniversary and my first festival ever was the last Ozzfest which was a year before DOWNLOAD started! Ok enough feeling old.
I will try to keep this journal updated more, promise! I'll try and figure out where to put myself in life more so y'all don't have to read about ALL of it in order to make sense.